A Little Slice of Armageddon

Yeah, I know. It’s been a while since I last posted anything. I’ve actually been very productive on the sequel to Buried Instincts, so I’ve been putting off doing things like updating my website. Or exercising.

But without further ado, here’s a little news that might be interesting.

So last Saturday night I’m up late because I’m always up late. It’s around 2am and I’m playing video games when I hear a bunch of partiers in the street. Well, it is LA after all. I don’t even get up to look. I’m not so old yet that I go out in my long johns and angrily shake my fist at them. Also, I don’t have long johns. I’m too fat to wear them without sweating. I’m not even sure why I brought it up.

They eventually leave, and relative peace returns. An hour later I go down to do dishes. Yeah, I know. At 3am? But something is off. As I’m washing the dishes, I notice the water pressure is way weaker than it should be. In my brain, somehow I think it’s connected to the partiers from before. I look out the window. Hmmm, that’s weird. Is it raining? Well, I’m sure it’s not raining, I would’ve heard it. SO WHY IS THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STREET COVERED WITH WATER?!

Of course, I put on proper disaster gear. Basketball shorts and a t-shirt thus donned, I run out into the street. The street has cracked and water is bubbling out of the damaged sections!

This was taken a little after 3:20am. Yeah, I know I’m a suck photographer. But notice the crazy looking hole!

By now, other people are also starting to notice what’s going on. Especially the people who live on the opposite side of the street. At this point, I decide to call the LADWP. I saw on their website that they will talk to you 24/7 if there’s an emergency.

I decide this constitutes an emergency. I navigate through their automated system. I get a person. I tell him water’s coming up out of the god damn street. I give him the address. I give him my name. He promises to send someone out.

Go me. I could’ve just decided this was bullshit and gone to bed.

I decide that I’d better take a shower before they shut the water off. I barely manage to do so because I had to coax water into the shower head because the pressure sucks. I get myself into a state where I’m 95% less oily, pat myself on the back, then head back out.

My more astute neighbors are rallying people. A lot of them are moving their cars out of their parking to someplace more dry. Several drive over the hole in the street where water is coming out. It sounds crunchy and I question their common sense.

The fire department shows up. They walk around. The water continues. Well, I guess calling 911 is a good initial reaction. I’m not sure they were able to do anything. They eventually leave.

It’s after 4am now. I’ve been running in and out of my place giving updates to Maggie. This is the most exciting thing that’s happened in a while. A horde of people is now across the street watching their parking get more and more flooded. A few brave souls armor their legs in trash bags and wade out to their vehicles to move them. Finally the LADWP shows up to work their magic. The water is now off and isn’t coming out of the street anymore. Shows over for me. It’s 5am. Bed time.

I wake up and head outside to see what’s transpired since the sun came up. Well, since that time and add about 4 hours.

The street is filthy. But it’s mostly dry.
Ho, man… I hope that car is ok…

They blocked the street. That’s good. They’re fixing the pipe. Also good. And they’ve got a truck to pump all the water out of the flooded parking. Water’s still off. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I was, however, surprised when I came back from running errands in the afternoon to discover the water was already back on. Unexpected! I thought for sure I’d have to drive to a gym to shower.

A day later it looks like this:

Good as new! Ok, maybe not new, but our street now has cool battle damage! Like when Khan shot up the Enterprise and Scotty welded steel plates over the holes.

I have to say, for as much water that came out of the road, I was pretty impressed that it only took a full day to resolve this.

I still don’t know if the partiers I heard somehow caused this to happen. Maybe they were Fremen who plunked down a thumper to try to call a sandworm. But instead of a Shai-Hulud working for Uber showing up to take them home, they screwed up the water system. Dicks. And if I learned anything, it’s that when you’re looking for someplace to live, you should consider where the water is going to flow if the earth cracks and the waters come.

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